Saturday, April 9, 2011

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Hamburger: Grind Thine Own Beef!

About two years ago, I started sourcing large beef roasts and grinding my own hamburger meat. Here's a few of the ideas that drove me to action:

1. From where upon the cow did this ground meat come? Mostly, no one can tell you any longer. Back in the day, you could buy ground round, ground chuck or ground sirloin. Now, the stores sell ground meat only in lean to fat ratios (95/5, 90/10, 80/20.) The meat therein? Scraps mostly from all parts of the beast mixed with fat also sourced from parts unknown. I don't know about you, but about the only things I am comfortable coming from parts unknown are professional wrestlers.

1A. Know from where thy beef is cut. It's important. Ground chuck is great for burgers while ground round and sirloin are leaner and perform better in chili, tacos, sloppy joes and the like where the excess fat that renders during cooking is not something most people like to indulge in, except Jack Sprat's wife I suppose. Besides, rendered fat poured into the trash is a waste of money.

2. How many cows doth comprise this one pound of 90/10 I purchased? God alone may know, or not, but I can guarantee you this, if you buy a roast cut from one cow and grind it yourself, you're eating from one source animal. My preference is for one over many. What's the big deal you say? See Idea 3.

3. E coli. When you're using scraps as your source meat, think about what your Mom used to tell you about money, "Get that out of your mouth, you don't know where it's been!" Scraps are small, scraps are cut from areas of the beast more prone to contamination, scraps fall on the floor, despite diligent efforts at cleanliness the floor in a slaughterhouse is not where I'd like to see my food, as per Idea 2 it takes a lot of scraps from a lot of cows to makeup that pound of ground beef all of which increases the opportunity for the meat and then you to be exposed to e coli. Meanwhile that roast which you will grind yourself, stays well above the fray and far from the floor. Think about it, how many outbreaks of e coli do you hear about that involve contaminated Sunday roast beef vs. instances from fast food hamburger patties or bulk processed ground meat?

4. The stores around here never, I repeat never sell one pound of ground meat in a package. It's always a pound and quarter, a pound and half. At $5.00/lb, you're spending up to an additional $2.50 for that package of meat. Sure you'll use it, but most recipes call for full pound increments of ground meat which means you'll either freeze the leftovers or throw off your recipe ratios to accommodate the additional meat. At the end of the day, why spend the additional money when you can pack exact one pound packages of meat yourself?

5. Think simple economics. Around here you'll pay $5.00/lb for ground meat. The last top round roast I purchased and processed was $2.79/lb. There was approximately a half pound of waste (see Idea 7) that I did not grind. We netted 11 packages of ground meat, so the half pound of loss marginally increased the cost per pound to around $2.89/lb. The overall savings on this grind was $23.21 Not bad for an hour of effort.

6. It's damned manly. As I break down and process the roasts I am fond of chanting heartily, "Men...Men...Men...Men...Men." Beer should be drunk. Hell, why not gather the clan and have a grinding bee? Bring a roast and a bottle...

7. You grind it. You decide what's in it. Ultimately with store bought ground meat you can never be sure what's in there. Connective tissue, large blood vessels, bone slivers, gristle and other tough bits which might pass through the grinder, but end up as little gross inedible nuggets that you have to discreetly hide in a napkin. If you grind it, you can take the time and make the extra effort to cut out the problematic bits and ensure a palate pleasing, unadulterated end product.

7A. You grind it. You decide how fine to grind it. The fine grinding die will produce the standard supermarket grind, but I also leave some meat coarse ground for chili and other dishes where it's desirable to have larger, more toothsome pieces.

8. Taste the difference. Grinding your own hamburger will not turn that roast into a high end, grass fed, free range piece of beef, but there is a discernible difference between the ground meat I process and store bought mystery meat. It's just better man.

So there you have it, the reasons why I grind mine own.

Next time...Hamburger: Grind Thine Own Beef! Part 2: The Process.

Just how do you do it? Well, I'll tell you.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

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The Buffalo Wing Treatise...


So, I am watching Alton Brown the other night cook Buffalo chicken wings and discovered yet another reason to brand the man an utter jackwagon. Thank you American TV for your witty commercials, because I really lacked a word to describe my feelings about Mr. Brown until that Geico commercial.

The first reason for wagonhood his ugly diatribe against fat people in America, which was aided and abetted by Anthony Bourdain. I have forgiven Bourdain, he says stupid, ugly things fairly often, it's part of the schtick. I get it. But Brown was my go to science food expert, prone to geeky, entertaining explication rather than the spouting of bullshit, judgmental weight loss rhetoric. It was the ultimate bait and switch betrayal and if I find a willing shaman, a curse is coming his way.

Now...a more serious and sinister reason to color the man jackwagon, to wit this statement during the show, "Deep fat frying is not the best method to cook Buffalo chicken wings." After which he proceeds to demonstrate an utterly pointless, time consuming process of steaming, refrigerator cooling/drying and oven roasting the damned things. Who has three damned days to make wings you jackwagon?

Besides which, you can no longer call those Buffalo wings and herein lies the basis of The Buffalo Wing Treatise, something I have been developing since my first experience with Buffalo wings twenty plus years ago, but which restaurateurs seem only too willing to ignore when they prepare an appetizer menu:

Part the First: Buffalo wings are NOT FUCKING breaded! They are unadulterated, naked chicken wings with the tips trimmed (saved for stock of course) and divided into drums and "two piecers." Any chicken which is breaded and deep fat fried is FRIED chicken. Fried chicken is awesome, it's NOT Buffalo, no matter what sauce you attempt to redeem it with.

Part the Second: Buffalo wings are, read after me Mr. Brown, DEEP FAT FRIED. Oven roasted wings in virtually any capacity, remind me of the Wings of Fire served at SUNY Oswego dining hall circa 1986: limp, barely cooked attempts at keeping hip with the youth trends. Deep fryng creates the necessary crisp exterior to stand up to the coming immersion in sauce.

Part the Third: Buffalo wings are sauced with a simple combination of cayenne hot sauce, moderated with butter in whatever quantity you find suitable. They are NOT BBQ flavored, teriyaki scented or citrus glazed.

Part the Fourth: Buffalo wings are served with chunky blue cheese dipping sauce (OK...salad dressing) and ice cold celery. Take that ranch based sauce and shove it, it's a California based abomination of nature on salad, let alone Buffalo wings.

Part the Fifth: There are some allowable variations on the above:

First, you can add ice cold carrots to the side of celery if you must. I like carrots. They're good for the eyes.

Second, the addition of Seven Seas Italian Dressing Seasoning or accentuation of the cayenne component (pepper flakes, powdered cayenne, etc.) of the sauce is permissible, so long as it does not overshadow the primary components.

Third, I have had roasted wings at Phil's Restaurant, Wading River, NY which are finished under a Salamander with the correct cayenne based sauce which approached the necessary crisp consistency and did not raise my hackles when called Buffalo wings. I might be getting soft in my old age.

So there you have the Buffalo Wing Treatise, read it, learn it, live it and be sure to tell your friendly local restaurant owner to stop calling those breaded, BBQ sauced, ranch dressing on the side pieces of fried chicken Buffalo wings. They might be good, they might even be great, but they ain't Buffalo!

Postscript the first: I saw a recent Bourdain show. A 10 year anniversary effort in Cambodia. Looking a little chunky Tony. Welcome to the dark side brother!

Postcript the second: The platter of wings in the photo, is from Gator's Restaurant in Hampton Bays, NY, a Treatise adherent in good standing and one of the few places on Long Island where I will order the Buffalo wings. Yes...they served carrots.